Addressing nightmares

 

So many medications have nasty side effects. Two that I am on deliver some powerful nightmares into my brain a couple of nights each week.

Every time I experience another of these upsetting episodes, I once again weigh the benefits and side effects of these meds. So far, I remain on them but have recently attempted to address the nightmares in a healthy and proactive way.

An old friend used to advise me to just 'be grateful that the dream is not real' and to let it go the moment I realize that. He'd be telling me this as if it were a crumb in the bed that could simply be swept out so I could get back to sleep. It simply does not work that way for everyone. Many of us with mental illnesses tend to hold on to those feelings that feel like threats. As if by holding on, we could continue to prepare ourselves for the next threat.  I certainly was frustrated by my friends' seemingly flippant advice.

I tried his method, as I will indeed try anything to help my mind and body recover. I took it one step further, with not only gratitude for the fact that I was safe in bed at the moment of waking, but also listing every other blessing I have. My shelter, plentiful water, heat, food, companion pets, supportive friends, the experiences I have with Inclusion Center.  It helped. But was not quite enough.

Then I rewrote the dream, coming up with the way I wanted it to flow. After the frightening event happened, I imagined how I wanted to conquer it. I let the dream play out in my head again, but with MY direction. This took some effort. My brain kept telling me, "this is not possible. You do not have the power to alter the 'reality' of the story." I kept on, no matter what logic tried to dictate.

Then, I became nervous that this was a form of denial, and that I will continue to have nightmares if I don't directly address the issue. So I went deeper. I looked only at how I felt during the nightmare.  Helpless? Afraid for my life? Shamed? Rejected? Despairing? Then I examined how those feelings were in my life at the present, and addressed THOSE true waking situations. This gave me a marvelous feeling of power. As if I were brave enough to look something right in the face and say, "my examination of you proves my courage... I am looking, instead of running away or hiding, terrified, in the corner."  This method proved to be the best one. It did not dispel the nasty images that tend to remain after a nightmare, but it DID change my inner feelings. I felt powerful, as if the energy of the dream was reined in. 

I no longer fear going to sleep, knowing I may have a nightmare. I now look upon the dreams as a way to grow, to strengthen myself. And this is always a good thing, as we, as disabled people, need all the strength we can acquire.

-GG