The act of receiving help

 

 In the middle of the book I am listening to, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, a truth was observed by the protagonist that struck me as something that all disabled people deal with. All people, really, but more so those of us who live with disabilities...

 “They had offered him comfort and shelter, even when he was afraid of taking them, and in accepting he had learned something new. It was as much of a gift to receive as it was to give, requiring as it did both courage and humility.”
― Rachel Joyce, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

 

Requiring courage and humility. Yes indeed! Many is the time that I struggled on,  knowing I could receive help if I only asked. Many times I did not ask. There were multiple reasons for this. Firstly, I felt I 'should' be able to do it myself. Very silly.  I mean, I can be confined to my apartment after surgery and feel I should be able to drive myself to a medical appointment. Not the least bit realistic. More wishful thinking with a dash of yearning for what I used to be able to do.

Secondly, I am afraid to have a helper near me. We are vulnerable when we are disabled. It does take a great amount of courage to have someone, often a stranger in the form of a health aide, or even a family member, in our midst. We are only partially in charge. They may be stronger or more capable of thinking things through. They may be present for financial gain only, thus causing us to question their very integrity. No one who is paid to help us is doing it because they love us or they want urgently to pull us along on a healing journey. 

Thirdly, I am 'not at my best', I may look like Hell, I may smell of bodily fluids. I may be very confused. I may say all the wrong things if I am either exhausted or depressed. I may be in too much pain to even properly fill out a shopping list for them to follow. In any of these states, we must truly humble ourselves just in order to ask for and receive some very basic things.

It was revealing to 'witness' the character of Harold Fry go from an independent and isolated person, to one who began to reach out to perfect strangers for help. He not only began to find it more comfortable to speak up about his needs, but he also gave a gift to those who helped him. All who helped were delighted to do so. Helping someone is often a marvelous experience. An actual neural pathway in the human system is affected when helping others and leads to a boost in our well-being! Perhaps this is an important part of being human, that helping others is a long-standing survival tool that can ensure that they will be around to help us later. Whatever the true reason for our enjoyment of helping, when we ALLOW others to help, our gift to them can equal their offering to us.

So, the next time I feel wide-open in my vulnerability as a disabled person, I am promising myself to remember Harold Fry. If he can find the courage to ask for help, so can I.

-GG