a minute here, a minute there....

 I am in the beginning chapters, reading Mayflower by Nathaniel Philbrick. It is an audiobook so I cannot look back to find specific quotes easily. But one stood out (which I will get inaccurate if I try) so I will just paraphrase.

The Pilgrims gained that name due to their constant movement/travels in search of their ideal home of freedom. America was not their first journey seeking this. The constant hardships, the frequent persecutions, their very lives threatened, led them to accept suffering. That, and the physical hardships, the lack of basic necessities, the reality of diseases. I wish I could directly quote the wonderful phrase that Philbrick used.... I identified with it immediately.

I have been in pain 24/7 for decades. I have come to accept this 'hardship' and its constant presence. So when I get a minute here, a minute there, of relief, it is an amazing and beautiful thing. Like walking through a storm for days and suddenly coming upon a glorious rainbow.

My pain relief comes when I am lying in bed, just before falling asleep. I am in a certain position, my muscles are mostly relaxed. I have all of my pillow props in place, in the places where my body needs them. My cats surround me, purring, and my earplugs are in, against the noise of the outside world. I am not hungry or thirsty. It feels miraculous, this brief respite from unrelenting discomfort. 

I absolutely wallow in it. Focus on it. Give great thanks for it. The rarity of being totally comfortable for a few minutes makes the event very precious. 

Sometimes I am amazed that I can be so happy in those moments, that I am not complaining or wailing about not having this more often. I feel very lucky that I can just enjoy the treat. 

-GG