a year without music

 

When  Lyme disease attacked my brain in 2018, I had many oddish symptoms.

One that kept hanging on long after all others had thankfully left, was the extremely annoying 'ear worm' as it is called.  Just about everyone deals with this.... a song or snatch of a song/tune that goes round and round in your head. Mine was far worse than the average torment.

I was unable to properly concentrate on anything as music haunted me 24/7. I would wake up with a tune running through my brain even before I realized I was even awake.  The worst was having just three or four notes play over and over for days.  It became unbearable.

I made the difficult decision to give up music. This meant I had to wear earplugs everywhere I went in public. Have you ever entered a store or doctors office that did NOT have music going?  I had one, only one such experience.

I turned down many fine invitations to socialize with others because when I asked outright, they'd admit that there would be music at the event. When I explained my predicament, I always got odd or uncomfortable glances. I got used to that.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother, forgetting my affliction, sent me a YouTube link of an album he'd listened to as a teenager. He was just trying to share good memories with me. I was irked that I 'could not listen to it.'

This anger served as a catalyst to summon up the courage to try music once more.

After I listened to a track on his album, I thought, "well, if I am gonna listen to music, it might as well be what I want! "

So I turned to my old list on YouTube and, holding my breath, let it play.  What joy!  What I had been missing for a whole year!  I danced madly to each tune (much to the distress of my newest cat, who thought I might be having some sort of seizure.)

I am absolutely delighted to have music back in my life.

The down side is that I am paying for it, right back to the StuckInMyHead problems. But for now, I am willing to pay that price. I am having too much fun singing along.

-GG

realization of progress

 The clinic where I used to get counseling shut down months ago so I have not had therapy since then. Every once in awhile, my counselor used to remind me just how far I have come. I no longer have that prompt from her but was given a wake-up call this morning when I was scratched by one of my cats.

I looked at the deepening marks and was suddenly brought back to the days of self-harm. Some of the cutting I used to do is still visible after 20 years. Thankfully, I have not done any such thing in over two years.  I had not realized the stretch of time nor had I examined this victory at all.

I also occasionally come across the big white spot where they had to dig the tick out, the one that delivered Lyme and two other diseases in to my system.  Yesterday I viewed it again and remembered just how debilitated  I was. And without much hope of ever getting 'my life back.' 

It was years of heart-wrenching work (for the mental issues) and years of learning a new lifestyle and meticulously taking meds throughout each day (for the tick-borne illnesses) and now here I am with the lovely results.

I do have small fears that either of these issues could rear their ugly heads again but when I begin thinking that way, I choose to focus on my victories and strengths instead.

Is there a way that you, the reader, can see progress in your own life?   I truly hope it is cause for massive celebration.